Saturday, May 27, 2006

Keep yer shirt on!


Passive-aggressiveness RAWKS!

To themselves who had the nerve to invoke the "p" word and who've been all over my arse this past week, a few words from Nigel H. Mendez' "The Procrastinator's Creed":
  • I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
  • I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
  • I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
  • I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.
  • I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
  • I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
  • I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesmally small, is not exactly zero.
  • If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.
  • I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
  • I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
  • I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task.
  • I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/plan/plan.
  • I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
  • I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized.

So to sum up, the thing will be done; and when it's done, it will be done right. However, if you're really pressed, can't wait, must have it NOW; well then, might I suggest you take up some sort of Kung Fooey type discipline? There's a chance - slim to none - 'cause I figure I can take you in an unfair fight, and I've only just remembered a half dozen other projects which simply must be completed ahead of yours; that this just may help your cause.

5 Ninjas, 1 Kitten and a Fifth of Vodka!