Friday, April 21, 2006

Snark of the Week: Lo, the poor huddled masses?

A humble chupacabra tells of his misguided attempt to cross over from Méjico at 16, dressed in a Tweety Bird suit; and speaks out in defense of his 11 million fellow unauthorized migrants including 15, similarly hopeful, goat suckers.
I am writing to you from a small cave somewhere in the American Southwest, my humble home since 1996...

I understand that after the terrorist attacks on this country, Americans are nervous about protecting their borders, but we must remember that this is a country built by immigrants! You may deride the Mexicans and los Chubacabras now, but remember how the Italians were treated when they came here. Or the Irish. Or the Chinese. They were all considered swarthy, shifty, un-American immigrants at one time. Now, these groups make up the backbone of society and own many, many goats that I will suck on.

I am so tired of hearing American citizens talk about how the illegal immigrants are coming in and taking their jobs from them. Come on! If we weren't illegal, you wouldn't be able to get away with paying us next to nothing. And do you really want to have those jobs? ... I mean, can you imagine your typical New York stockbroker having to sneak onto a farmer's property in the middle of the night and quietly drink the blood of five goats? Forget about it!

Now admit it, his argument has some merit, neh?

5 Ninjas, 1 Kitten and a Fifth of Vodka!