Sunday, December 11, 2005

Things to do when you're bored: Impress lesser mortals

Ever get the urge to drive a spike through a sheet of metal, or maybe swing a man with nought but your teeth? Of course you have. Who hasn't?

From "How to Perform Strong Man Stunts" by Ottley R. Coulter come step by step instructions on how to con wow your friends and associates. This manual is especially handy for any of us who harbour the secret desire to attain evil genius status; 'cause we all know a good parlour trick is easier on the budget than gamma radiation therapy, plus green is just not my colour. I'd like to get started with rock pounding.
Get a good sized piece of limestone and soak it over-night in plenty of the stone on a solid block of wood, or table, and see that the stone rests flat upon the table. It must not have any wobble, and the top should be fairly flat...

Now raise your balled fist over your head and bring it down with all your might upon the center of the stone, and it will break into smithereens.

Hey, I wonder if I paint say the likeness of, oh I dunno, someone or the other whether it would work like a voodoo doll. Hmmm... Bears investigation don't you think? You know, for erm, practical applications.

5 Ninjas, 1 Kitten and a Fifth of Vodka!