Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Note from a Caribbean National

Ever get a song stuck in your head for days on end? Sure you have, who hasn't? Well I've had a certain David Bowie ditty meandering through my head since 2002 or there about. That's right America, you are frightening me. (Yes, yes, I know it's really the 'United States of America' but the types I'm talking to often get confused when I get specific like that.)

Read on...

You're scaring me, a cold war babe who shrugged off the red menace, in the same amorphous way that Orson Welles special on Nostradamus gave me the 4 year heebie jeebies back in '81; especially when I hear some of you waxing lyrical about eagles soaring, mule girlfriends, turning aspens and such. Which is why I am heartened by the following from the Unitarian Jihad:-
Beware! Unless you people shut up and begin acting like grown-ups with brains enough to understand the difference between political belief and personal faith, the Unitarian Jihad will begin a series of terrorist-like actions. We will take over television studios, kidnap so-called commentators and broadcast calm, well-reasoned discussions of the issues of the day. We will not try for "balance" by hiring fruitcakes...

We are Unitarian Jihad, and our motto is: "Sincerity is not enough." We have heard from enough sincere people to last a lifetime already. Just because you believe it's true doesn't make it true. Just because your motives are pure doesn't mean you are not doing harm. Get a dog, or comfort someone in a nursing home, or just feed the birds in the park. Play basketball. Lighten up. The world is not out to get you, except in the sense that the world is out to get everyone.
Now that's more like it. America (the bit between Mexico and Canada, that is) you need to get behind these guys. And just to show I'm like totally sincere keen, I've even assumed a new name in a show of extra-territorial solidarity for the movement. My Unitarian Jihad Name is Sister Pistol of Tolerance. Nifty huh? Go get yours.

5 Ninjas, 1 Kitten and a Fifth of Vodka!