Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Winning Hasselhoff's heart


Oh David! *swoon*

Ever since the near reader revolt last month I'd decided to spare y'all of my continued fixation with all things Hoffy; which was especially difficult 'cause gods I've got so much material it's staggering. But I thought, "Now dorna!, give it a rest. The guys, all five of them, are starting to get queasy; and let's face it you can't afford to lose what little readership you've got." Then I went over to Matt Shifley's place yesterday, found this clipping from the seventies; and thought "foof it", y'all will just have to get over it.

Click to expandThe do's and don'ts of winning his heart:

Do be independent.

Do love to drive in a Trans Am.
Do love health foods.
As long as there's no wheatgrass involved.
Do listen when other people are explaining their feelings.
But what if they're talking a load of shite?
Do love to travel a lot.

Do love to be adventurous.

Do take care of yourself-make the most of your looks and your brain.
Working the blue afra...
Do set goals for yourself and for those who are important to you.
Seems kinda presumptuous but...
Do love the beach.
As long as I don't have to be on said beach. Sand in unmentionable places... *ouch*
Do visit Atlanta if you ever can.
Do love music, rock 'n' roll and country especially.
Okay, you're pushing it bub.
Do keep in touch with old friends.
Why? What have you heard?
Do read books, magazines, newspapers - David likes girls who are aware of what's going on.
Fair enough.
Do like spontaneous dates-a drive up the L.A. Freeway or a burger at local McDonald's.
Spontaneous ≠ cheap.
Do like flowers.
No problem. As long as they're hermetically sealed.


Don't be a gossip.
Did you hear the one about - sorry.
Don't be a tease.
Who me?
Don't be afraid of the ocean or water sports.
What's this, some sort of fetish thing?
Don't treat him like he's a god - he's a normal guy just like anyone else.
ROFLMAO Not to worry luv...
Don't be jealous of other girls.
Don't try to impress people with topics you don't know anything about.

Don't smoke cigarettes or drink.
I'll stop drinking when you stop singing cheezy pop songs.
Don't drive too fast.
I don't even drive.
Don't be lazy.
Hey don't knock laziness 'til you've tried it.
Don't compare him to other actors.
That's cool, 'cause Pacino you are not.
Don't think you have to do everything your friends are doing if you think it's wrong.

Don't be a follower, be a leader.
As long as I can lead from behind. The guy out front always get's shot first.
Don't walk out on movies in the middle - and don't talk all the way through a film.
Battlefield Earth? Come on!
Don't be afraid to write David - he just might answer you!
That sounds vaguely like a threat.

5 Ninjas, 1 Kitten and a Fifth of Vodka!