Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Cont'd Ed: Contemporary History

A dubious History of the Internet. (Abridged Version)
ARPANET (precursor to internet) invented. (If anyone makes any overused Al Gore jokes they will be beaten unconscious with a 300 baud modem)

Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniack get stoned out of their minds and build a computer that costs a fortune and runs no software. "Everyone will want one of these!", says Jobs.

E-mail invented. most common message: "Let me know when you're there so I can call you"

Bill Gates embarks on heroic and lifelong quest to piss off every person in America.
Read on...
First ISP created. Business is slow due to the fact that the Internet has no purpose, nobody knows about it, and more people own Betamax machines than computers.

World-Wide Web released by CERN. Group suggests someone invent a web browser so people can use it.

First piece of spam appears in USENET newsgroups and is quickly removed. "Well, that should be the last of that", say users.

Release of Windows 95 and Internet Explorer bring sharp rise in memory sales, profanity use.

Instant messaging created as a way for people all over the world to interrupt each other.

Scam e-mails replace oil as the chief export of Nigeria.

Internet gold rush. Silicon valley geeks crushed to death under heaps of investment money.

Year 2k apocalypse averted. Populace comes out of bunkers, goes back to playing Everquest as if nothing ever happened.

Blogging invented. Promises to change the way people bore strangers with banal anecdotes about their pets.
Read full history HERE.

5 Ninjas, 1 Kitten and a Fifth of Vodka!