Friday, September 23, 2005

Snark of the Week:Grocery shopping and other misadventures...

This week's snark comes from Chris Pirillo of Lockergnome fame. You might want to read the entire thing if it's to make a lick of sense.
I should have spent most of my afternoon in the hospital. It all started when I went to the grocery store to pick up some low-carb bread (which is really tasty, although it doesn't have much of a shelf life). As I was walking down the soup aisle, a can of tomato soup flew off of the shelf and beaned me in the side of the face. As blood started trickling down my cheek and onto my lips, I was able to read the label on the container (which was rolling around on the floor): "Save money if you buy me today!"
Read on...
Fair enough. I kicked it to the side and continued on my journey. By the time I reached the fruit aisle, the bleeding had stopped. I started to search for some spaghetti squash (another low carb treat) when I found myself sailing backwards onto the cold, hard floor. A stupid cantaloupe had rolled 'neath my boot. It, too, had a sticker on its shell: "Buy me and get another one free!" I didn't ask for the cantaloupe, so I pushed it away and headed to the checkout counter. I'll never shop there again, I swear. Things really started to get interesting on my way home.

I was no less than a twenty feet away from the store when a huge freakin' billboard came crashing into my windshield. I wasn't sure what was going on until I was able to make out the large lettering: "Learn how to drive carefully by taking this course." Ah, fair enough - it had my best interests in mind. I wish more signs would bother to be as invasive. The damage to my car was minimal, but I was still quite shaken (not stirred in the slightest). Trying to conserve energy, I rolled down the window and let the breeze pass through my vehicle. Someone was grilling out tonight - I could smell the charcoal. Steak started to sound good, so I found myself turning around and heading back to the store. That's when a t-bone flew in through the other window and landed on my lap. I was able to brush it off quickly, but now I have this horrible stain on my pants that I won't be able to get out - even if I send it through the washer a few times. In a blink, I was back in the same place that had abused me just ten minutes before. The store's name?

The Internet.
Sick of net ads that go pop? Read the rest of "Flying Food Frenzy".

5 Ninjas, 1 Kitten and a Fifth of Vodka!