Friday, June 10, 2005

Tales of high finance and other misadventures...

Y'all will be happy to know that all of my financial difficulties are in the past. How you ask? Prudent planning? Dead relation? Just got hitched to a mouldy, but moneyed, beau? Drove a tan van with the "Golden AN" for a man named Dan, who took it to Fran? Well that was the plan man, but nope. I won the lottery.

Actually, I won 5 lotteries in the space of a week; for a grand total of US$8.5M, plus or minus a pile of change 'cause one of them is in quids and who knows what the conversion rate is this week. And the truly super thing that just proves there's a God or some other celestial being that knows I need a hook-up, is that I didn't even have to enter any of them. Apparently there are simply loads of people testing these scientific-electronic-automated selection-precognative ('cause I didn't even have that gmail account yet)-algorithm thingamajingies. It's all quite beyond me, but I tell you this I've got no difficulty with taking the Sultan of Brunei's money. That's a picture of him below. You can tell he's well-heeled 'cause only the truly well-off can get away with taking fashion cues from North Korean Army generals.

Sir Hassanal Bolkiah Mu'izzadin Waddaulah
(Say that three times, fast.)

Now, all I'm waiting for is to collect from some worrisomely incompetent, but earnest, lottery organisers; who all seem to be using the same secretarial pool. I'm not being critical, mind; I'm just saying it's a little odd to receive 5 lottery win notifications which all state some version of this:
Due to mix up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep your winning information confidential until your claims has been processed and your money
Remitted to you. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants.
Now by rights I shouldn't be sharing this stellar news with anyone, but I know y'all are my peeps and you'll want to break out the boxed sparkling wine in my honour.

Update: Make that 6 lottery win notifications! "I'm in the money; I'm in the money..."

5 Ninjas, 1 Kitten and a Fifth of Vodka!