The Guabancex Blog

Things to do when your caffeinated arse has been up for 3 days...

2007-07-20T08:59:00.000-04:00

Thing: Meme, meme, meme, meme...

Directions:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

Here's what I ended up with -->

1. The song you run down the aisles of Wal-Mart singing:
Fashionably Delicious – Anthony Hugh

2. The song that was playing in the doctor's office when you were born:
Lies – Thompson Twins

3. The song your mom sang to you when you when you were a baby:
Bring Me To Life - Evanesence

4. Your first favorite song:
Confusion – New Order

5. Your theme song:
Human – Human League

6. Song playing in the car on the first day of school:
Gone – Chris Daughtry

7. Song playing during your first kiss:
Better Days – Goo Goo Dolls

8. Graduating Class song:
Return – Eric Paul

9. Wedding song:
All These Things That I’ve Done – The Killers

10. Song playing while you're on your death bed:
Satellite – Dave Mathews Band

11. Song playing at your funeral:
Alcoholic - Starsailor

12. Song everyone remembers you by:
I Write Sins Not Tragedies – Panic! At the disco

13. Song you're going to title this survey as:
Icky Thump – The White Stripes

Leave your results in the comment thingy if you please.

'Ware the ever expanding arse!

2007-07-07T13:29:00.000-04:00

Note to self: Keep a close eye on "friends" bearing cameras.

Things to do when you're incensed...

2007-03-03T16:37:00.000-04:00

Thing: Open up a can of whoop-arse.

You know, I'm not one to generally make a big thing of the burden of being black, er, brown, er non-caucasoid - oh whatever - but I'll just say this much; this kind of shit doesn't make it any easier for the rest of us:

A bogus forensic psychologist...Jamaican-born Gene Morrison, 48, was described in court as a charlatan who had tricked judges, lawyers and police.

About 700 cases he worked over 26 years, across the UK, will now have to be re-assessed, Manchester's Minshull Street Crown Court was told.

And how does Dr Morrison (gotta call him doctor, he kinda insists on it) explain this, uh, unfortunate set of circumstances not to mention his questionable qualifications? Well it's quite straight forward.

He's like totally qualified to call himself a forensic investigator, 'cause he's like a private detective, or investigator if you will; and 'cause he employs these like mad scientific skillz which he accrued from his studies with this totally super German outfit (or was it Czech - can't remember which) and he got a PHD from the University of WTF in Massachusetts.

...

Can we say "Public flogging"?

...

Yes, yes, I think we can.

Check out the transcript of his police interview HERE.

Loosed words: "What do I make?"

2007-02-14T09:19:00.000-04:00

OR,

Slam poet Taylor Mali explains why teachers kick arse...

Things to do when you're bored (and haven't posted in donkey years)...

2007-02-12T20:41:00.000-04:00

Thing: Repost comments/thinly veiled dissertations of the conspiracy theory ilk on long forgotten blog entries...

Some bloke with the unlikely handle of "Enlightenment" felt the need to spread the word in response to my post "Snark of the week: Take that you dirty terrorists!" Now I enjoy a good wing-nutty rant as much as any left leaning liberal, but honestly poppets, would it have violated some obscure lunatic fringe by-law for him to use paragraphing?

Speaking of terrorists...

One thing that struck me as odd in the days after 9/11 was Bush saying "We will not tolerate conspiracy theories [regarding 9/11]". Sure enough there have been some wacky conspiracy theories surrounding the events of that day. The most far-fetched and patently ridiculous one that I've ever heard goes like this: Nineteen hijackers who claimed to be devout Muslims but yet were so un-Muslim as to be getting drunk all the time, doing cocaine and frequenting strip clubs decided to hijack four airliners and fly them into buildings in the northeastern U.S., the area of the country that is the most thick with fighter bases. After leaving a Koran on a barstool at a strip bar after getting shitfaced drunk on the night before, then writing a suicide note/inspirational letter that sounded like it was written by someone with next to no knowledge of Islam, they went to bed and got up the next morning hung over and carried out their devious plan. Nevermind the fact that of the four "pilots" among them there was not a one that could handle a Cessna or a Piper Cub let alone fly a jumbo jet, and the one assigned the most difficult task of all, Hani Hanjour, was so laughably incompetent that he was the worst fake "pilot" of the bunch, with someone who was there when he was attempting to fly a small airplane saying that Hanjour was so clumsy that he was unsure if he had driven a car before. Nevermind the fact that they received very rudimentary flight training at Pensacola Naval Air Station, making them more likely to have been C.I.A. assets than Islamic fundamentalist terrorists.

Read on... (well, only if you've nothing better to do)

So on to the airports after Mohammed Atta supposedly leaves two rental cars at two impossibly far-removed locations. So they hijack all four airliners and at this time passengers on United 93 start making a bunch of cell phone calls from 35,000 feet in the air to tell people what was going on. Nevermind the fact that cell phones wouldn't work very well above 4,000 feet, and wouldn't work at ALL above 8,000 feet. But the conspiracy theorists won't let that fact get in the way of a good fantasy. That is one of the little things you "aren't supposed to think about". Nevermind that one of the callers called his mom and said his first and last name ("Hi mom, this is Mark Bingham"), more like he was reading from a list than calling his own mom. Anyway, when these airliners each deviated from their flight plan and didn't respond to ground control, NORAD would any other time have followed standard operating procedure (and did NOT have to be told by F.A.A. that there were hijackings because they were watching the same events unfold on their own radar) which means fighter jets would be scrambled from the nearest base where they were available on standby within a few minutes, just like every other time when airliners stray off course. But of course on 9/11 this didn't happen, not even close. Somehow these "hijackers" must have used magical powers to cause NORAD to stand down, as ridiculous as this sounds because total inaction from the most high-tech and professional Air Force in the world would be necessary to carry out their tasks. So on the most important day in its history the Air Force was totally worthless. Then they had to make one of the airliners look like a smaller plane, because unknown to them the Naudet brothers had a videocamera to capture the only known footage of the North Tower crash, and this footage shows something that doesn't look like a jumbo jet, but didn't have to bother with the South Tower jet disguising itself because that was the one we were "supposed to see". Anyway, as for the Pentagon they had to have Hani Hanjour fly his airliner like it was a fighter plane, making a high G-force corkscrew turn that no real airliner can do, in making its descent to strike the Pentagon. But these "hijackers" wanted to make sure Rumsfeld survived so they went out of their way to hit the farthest point in the building from where Rumsfeld and the top brass are located. And this worked out rather well for the military personnel in the Pentagon, since the side that was hit was the part that was under renovation at the time with few military personnel present compared to construction workers. Still more fortuitous for the Pentagon, the side that was hit had just before 9/11 been structurally reinforced to prevent a large fire there from spreading elsewhere in the building. Awful nice of them to pick that part to hit, huh? Then the airliner vaporized itself into nothing but tiny unidentifiable pieces most no bigger than a fist, unlike the crash of a real airliner when you will be able to see at least some identifiable parts, like crumpled wings, broken tail section etc. Why, Hani Hanjour the terrible pilot flew that airliner so good that even though he hit the Pentagon on the ground floor the engines didn't even drag the ground!! Imagine that!! Though the airliner vaporized itself on impact it only made a tiny 16 foot hole in the building. Amazing. Meanwhile, though the planes hitting the Twin Towers caused fires small enough for the firefighters to be heard on their radios saying "We just need 2 hoses and we can knock this fire down" attesting to the small size of it, somehow they must have used magical powers from beyond the grave to make this morph into a raging inferno capable of making the steel on all forty-seven main support columns (not to mention the over 100 smaller support columns) soften and buckle, then all fail at once. Hmmm. Then still more magic was used to make the building totally defy physics as well as common sense in having the uppermost floors pass through the remainder of the building as quickly, meaning as effortlessly, as falling through air, a feat that without magic could only be done with explosives. Then exactly 30 minutes later the North Tower collapses in precisely the same freefall physics-defying manner. Incredible. Not to mention the fact that both collapsed at a uniform rate too, not slowing down, which also defies physics because as the uppermost floors crash into and through each successive floor beneath them they would shed more and more energy each time, thus slowing itself down. Common sense tells you this is not possible without either the hijackers' magical powers or explosives. To emphasize their telekinetic prowess, later in the day they made a third building, WTC # 7, collapse also at freefall rate though no plane or any major debris hit it. Amazing guys these magical hijackers. But we know it had to be "Muslim hijackers" the conspiracy theorist will tell you because (now don't laugh) one of their passports was "found" a couple days later near Ground Zero, miraculously "surviving" the fire that we were told incinerated planes, passengers and black boxes, and also "survived" the collapse of the building it was in. When common sense tells you if that were true then they should start making buildings and airliners out of heavy paper and plastic so as to be "indestructable" like that magic passport. The hijackers even used their magical powers to bring at least seven of their number back to life, to appear at american embassies outraged at being blamed for 9/11!! BBC reported on that and it is still online. Nevertheless, they also used magical powers to make the american government look like it was covering something up in the aftermath of this, what with the hasty removal of the steel debris and having it driven to ports in trucks with GPS locators on them, to be shipped overseas to China and India to be melted down. When common sense again tells you that this is paradoxical in that if the steel was so unimportant that they didn't bother saving some for analysis but so important as to require GPS locators on the trucks with one driver losing his job because he stopped to get lunch. Hmmmm. Further making themselves look guilty, the Bush administration steadfastly refused for over a year to allow a commission to investigate 9/11 to even be formed, only agreeing to it on the conditions that they get to dictate its scope, meaning it was based on the false pretense of the "official story" being true with no other alternatives allowed to be considered, handpicked all its members making sure the ones picked had vested interests in the truth remaining buried, and with Bush and Cheney only "testifying" together, only for an hour, behind closed doors, with their attorneys present and with their "testimonies" not being recorded by tape or even written down in notes. Yes, this whole story smacks of the utmost idiocy and fantastic far-fetched lying, but it is amazingly enough what some people believe. Even now, five years later, the provably false fairy tale of the "nineteen hijackers" is heard repeated again and again, and is accepted without question by so many Americans. Which is itself a testament to the innate psychological cowardice of the American sheeple, i mean people, and their abject willingness to believe something, ANYTHING, no matter how ridiculous in order to avoid facing a scary uncomfortable truth. Time to wake up America.

If you're really, really, reeeeeeealy, bored you can checkout the laundry list of links he slapped onto the arse end of the comment too. Let me know if you find anything amusing.

To blog or not to blog: that is the question...

2007-01-08T21:48:00.000-04:00

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to sputter
Incoherently on seasonal drama,
Or scribe all stoic like...

Oh bugger it!

(Photo Credit: Himself)

Bleah!

2006-12-06T11:54:00.000-04:00

Our mind and our delusions are formless and colorless. However, our ignorance believing in true existence is harder than a rocky mountain. Our delusions are harder than steel.

-Lama Zopa Rinpoche, "The Door to Satisfaction"

Loosed Words: The inescapable

2006-11-22T16:26:00.000-04:00

Mortality
by - William Knox

Oh, why should the spirit of mortal be proud?
Like a swift-fleeting meteor, a fast-flying cloud,
A flash of the lightning, a break of the wave,
He passes from life to his rest in the grave.

The leaves of the oak and the willow shall fade,
Be scattered around, and together be laid;
And the young and the old, the low and the high,
Shall molder to dust, and together shall lie.

The infant a mother attended and loved;
The mother that infant's affection who proved;
The husband, that mother and infant who blessed;
Each, all, are away to their dwelling of rest.

The maid on whose cheek, on whose brow, in whose eye,
Shone beauty and pleasure - her triumphs are by;
And the memory of those who loved her and praised,
Are alike from the minds of the living erased.

The hand of the king that the sceptre hath borne,
The brow of the priest that the mitre hath worn,
The eye of the sage, and the heart of the brave,
Are hidden and lost in the depths of the grave.

The peasant, whose lot was to sow and to reap,
The herdsman, who climbed with his goats up the steep,
The beggar, who wandered in search of his bread,
Have faded away like the grass that we tread.

The saint, who enjoyed the communion of Heaven,
The sinner, who dared to remain unforgiven,
The wise and the foolish, the guilty and just,
Have quietly mingled their bones in the dust.

So the multitude goes - like the flower or the weed
That withers away to let others succeed;
So the multitude comes - even those we behold,
To repeat every tale that has often been told.

For we are the same that our fathers have been;
We see the same sights that our fathers have seen;
We drink the same stream, we feel the same sun,
And run the same course that our fathers have run.

The thoughts we are thinking, our fathers would think;
From the death we are shrinking, our fathers would shrink;
To the life we are clinging, they also would cling -
But it speeds from us all like a bird on the wing.

They loved - but the story we cannot unfold;
They scorned - but the heart of the haughty is cold;
They grieved - but no wail from their slumber will come;
They joyed - but the tongue of their gladness is dumb.

They died - aye, they died - we things that are now,
That walk on the turf that lies over their brow,
And make in their dwellings a transient abode,
Meet the things that they met on their pilgrimage road.

Yea, hope and despondency, pleasure and pain,
Are mingled together in sunshine and rain;
And the smile and the tear, the song and the dirge,
Still follow each other, like surge upon surge.

'Tis the wink of an eye - 'tis the draught of a breath -
From the blossom of health to the paleness of death,
From the gilded saloon to the bier and the shroud
Oh, why should the spirit of mortal be proud?

Afra Afro update!

2006-08-30T15:02:00.000-04:00

Since there seems to be a fair amount of interest in the "awe inspiring afro", and since I'm out of the island and still too busy to come up with real content, here's a pic. Nevermind the date on this snapshot; this is the afro post ~~chop~~ trim, three boxes of dye and half a jar of gel.

It appears to have thrown in the towel.

Clickez-Ici: Stealth browsing...

2006-08-08T09:47:00.000-04:00

Yup, still up to my awe inspiring afro in work; so no interesting bits o' anime or what have you. So you know what that means? That's right, y'all will just have to keep yourselves amused for a bit more.

But just to tide you over I've got a wee present for you guys, especially Stunner, who always seems to have his essential blog surfing hamstrung by his job; or some such foolishness.Don't you just love browser proxies? I especially like the "Boss Key" button which replaces all the extracurricular content with very authentic spiel about time management.

Friday Pseudo Cat Bloggin' (The really early edition...)

2006-08-03T17:58:00.000-04:00

Well as all us true cat lovers know, we're a slightly unhinged lot; but which came first, the crazy or the kitty?

Cat-lovers may be more neurotic than other people as a result of a feline parasite that could ultimately also be responsible for international cultural differences...

Earlier research at Imperial College London suggested that the parasite may also trigger schizophrenia.

(Link, Image Credit: Mishka)

Clickez-Ici: The best things in life are free :)

2006-07-31T17:25:00.000-04:00

Ok... So I'm still swamped at work, so just click the link and have yerself a chuckle.

"a guy witnesses an accident"

Snark of the week: Take that you dirty terrorists!

2006-07-23T07:34:00.000-04:00

OR,

"Stupid is as stupid does."

Gods what a week! *sigh* All I got to say 'bout that is, "Work is a four letter word, too". Now on to the snarky business at hand. (And yes, I know these are getting fewer and farther between, but quite honestly a good snark is hard to find.)

As word spread through the interwebnet of the Indian government's astonishing move to block access to blogging platforms; including Blogspot, Typepad and Geocities; one Digg user, flash200, weighed in:

Not wanting to be outdone, India has decided to give the US and China a run for their money. Said one Indian official, who spoke on condition of not being quoted, "If there's any country in the world that can avoid getting a useful benefit out of the internet, it's certainly us. Not those other silly countries."

Reportedly, the US government was outraged by this news, and threatened to disable all telephone lines and cable lines in their own country. "The thing you have to understand," said a Senator from Alaska, "is that these series of tubes are bad for the truck business." One thing is clear, the US will not take this challenge to its bureaucratic ineffectiveness lightly.

The Chinese government responded in turn by making a public proclamation that fire, and all technology derived from it, has now been banned by the government. Said one Chinese official, "Top that!"

(Link)

Anime Tchatchki: London calling...

2006-07-20T05:05:00.000-04:00

City Paradise: A quirky mix of live action, 2D and 3D animation of the adventures of a Japanese girl in London by Gaelle Denis.

Things to do (or not) when you want a man...

2006-07-17T00:25:00.000-04:00

Now, now, stop yer snickering; this apparently serious business to some females. This isn't Cosmo, so I'm not going to pitch the usual crap about getting in touch with your inner fellator. Sometimes you just have to grid yourself, swallow (poor choice of words - maybe) your pride and ask for one. Seriously. Just plain ask someone; not anyone mind, show some discretion; whether they got a spare man worthy of recommendation.

Take Mary Elizabeth Cook for example. Back in 1949, this English rose (ok, I'm guessing she was an English rose) "an attractive brunette of 29" wrote a letter to the Mayor of New York asking for a husband. No word on how the mayor fared as Lizzy's improvised shadchen; but the point is, the girl took action. Awfully progressive of her, that. Which might go some way in explaining why she was still unattached at 29, but that's just more speculation on my part.

But let's face it, which of us actually has time for letter writing campaigns these days? This is the age of microwave dinners and text messaging, after all. So what's a broad jonesing for a Friday-night hook-up to do? Well...

A woman from Aloha, Oregon, called 911 looking for the deputy that responded to a noise complaint made by her neighbors last month.

The woman called 911 and asked for the same deputy to return and told the 911 operator: "I just thought he was cute. I'm 45 years old, and I'd just like to meet him again, but I don't know how to go about doing that without calling 911."

(Link)

Now I'm not saying it was a good idea... But she gets 9 out of 10 for originality.

Drive-by freak out...

2006-07-15T15:12:00.000-04:00

OR,

Unplug that computah right now!

It is already possible for an assassin to send someone an e-mail with an innocent-looking attachment connected to it. When the receiver downloads the attachment, the electrical current and molecular structure of the central procecessing unit is altered, causing it to blast apart like a large hand grenade.

(Link)

Dang! Just think what'll happen to all those tubes if you're sending an internet while this happens.

Loosed Words: Won't you be my neighbour?

2006-07-13T00:01:00.000-04:00

This week's installment of Loosed Words is a two-parter, with a Clickez-Ici component, featuring one of the most tender-hearted human beings ever to walk this planet; Mr Rogers of Mr Rogers' Neighbourhood fame; so be sure to click on the image of the nice man to the right for a video snippet.

The clip is of Rogers' 1969 impassioned testimony before the US Senate in defense of the fledgling Public Broadcasting Corporation's imperilled budget, Nixon wanted to slash it in half because of the "police action" in Vietnam, and of the importance of public television to early childhood development.

What Do You Do?
- by The Reverend Frederick McFeely Rogers

What do you do with the mad that you feel
When you feel so mad you could bite?
When the whole wide world seems oh, so wrong...
And nothing you do seems very right?

What do you do? Do you punch a bag?
Do you pound some clay or some dough?
Do you round up friends for a game of tag?
Or see how fast you go?

It's great to be able to stop
When you've planned a thing that's wrong,
And be able to do something else instead
And think this song:

I can stop when I want to
Can stop when I wish.
I can stop, stop, stop any time.
And what a good feeling to feel like this
And know that the feeling is really mine.
Know that there's something deep inside
That helps us become what we can.
For a girl can be someday a lady.
And a boy can be someday a man.

(Song credit: Fred Rogers, "What Do You Do?")

Cont'd Ed: Attention Senator Ted Stevens!

2006-07-11T10:58:00.000-04:00

That's right, I'm talking to you, you ~~crazy old fart~~ misguided older gentleman. I know, you've been catching a truckload of flack over that whole internet is "a series of tubes" foolishness. (Heh. Get it? Truckload? *sigh* Some people just have no sense of humour.)

So I figured I'd hook you up with a little primer, a video tutorial even, by the inimitable Dave Chappelle. 'Cause I know you down wit da Chappelle.

(Via Digg)

Anime Tchatchki: Hisssssss...

2006-07-11T00:03:00.000-04:00

Click the image to watch the beautifully contrived Cristóbal Vila short, "Snakes". This all too brief piece was inspired by a woodcut by Dutch graphic artist M. C. Escher.

Things to do when you've nothing to post...

2006-07-10T11:37:00.000-04:00

Thing: Take silly quizes.

You Are Oscar the Grouch

Grumpy and grouchy, you aren't just pessimistic. You revel in your pessimism.

You are usually feeling: Unhappy. Unless it's rainy outside, and even then you know the foul weather won't last.

You are famous for: Being mean yet loveable. And you hate the loveable part.

How you life your life: As a slob. But it's not repelling as many people as you'd like!

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

Slob! Meh... Hmmmm... :/

One 10sec reason why dorna! doesn't drive - Part 2

2006-07-09T07:30:00.000-04:00

So Abeni leaves a comment on yesterday's post. She says I should, despite the compelling video evidence to support my position, get behind the wheel, take to the roads, and drive even.

The girl may even have a point. But if I ever do - get behind the wheel, take to the roads, and drive even - it won't be on this bit of ~~goat track~~ roadway, AKA Bolivia's North Yungas Road, AKA "El Camino de la Muerte". I don't think you need a translation of that last bit.(Image credit ...hmmmm..., Click pic for more photos)

Now for the few of you who got lost and ended up here while searching for DIY dirty pictures, this is a Caribbean blog; more precisely a St Lucian blog; so this blogger ain't no wuss. Not a bit of it. I've seen and ridden upon a few ~~arsehat~~ particularly dangerous roads myself.

In fact, local lore includes the tale of how, before it was re-surfaced at terrific cost, the road to St Jude's hospital in the south of the island was on occasion used to induce labour in troublesome pregnancies. Seriously. Doctors, it is said, would just pop the mommy-to-be in an ambulance and send her for a little drive. You know, to convince the intransigent brattling that things might actually be more congenial on the outside.

But I ask you, what in the seven circles of hell are these Bolivians thinking?

One 10sec reason why dorna! doesn't drive...

2006-07-08T10:11:00.000-04:00

Keep your eye on the lane to the far right.

(Via Digg)

Friday Pseudo Cat Bloggin': Mind yer step...

2006-07-07T09:19:00.000-04:00

From Adrian Ramos' most excellent site; hosting the Count Your Sheep comic strip about a little girl, her mom and her immaginary friend (a sheep named Ship); comes an Adrianism.

More Clickez-Ici: Captain Kirk, wherefore dost thou smoketh the evil weed?

2006-07-07T00:15:00.000-04:00

OR,

William Shatner does "Rocket Man"

The words - they fail me - entirely...

(Via Babysitter of the Damned)

----------

Addendum: Chris found this brilliant Family Guy send up of Shatner's misbegotten spoken word rendition of the Elton John classic. Just click Stewie to see it.

Clickez-ici: Sympathy for a Personnel Manager...

2006-07-04T00:05:00.000-04:00

OR,

Give this man a tv special already!

Click the pic to watch the brilliant Dave Coyne's "Help wanted":

I said, "Ray Ray take out the garbage"; and Ray Ray says, "Nah I ain't got to do it".
I said, "Ray Ray take out the garbage"; and Ray Ray says, "Nah I ain't got to take out no god-damned garbage".
I went PAM! I tagged that punk. His ass dropped like my grade point average.
Floo-floo, floo, floo-floo-floo-floo-floo, FLAM!

Ahhh, good times...